It’s three in the morning and I am still awake. Usually a couple of Panadol washed down with a good slosh of whiskey and it’s ‘good night nurse’. That hasn’t worked tonight though, and if I have any more whiskey I won’t be able to take the girls to school in the morning.
I’m fretting about the reason for my insomnia. Is it menopause or perhaps I’m subconsciously worried about something? Our financial debt, which is large enough to rival the deficit that Queensland state finds itself in at the moment could be something worth a good bout of worrying. Or I could be stressed, with Christmas coming up a zillion presents to buy and that debt…
Whatever the reason for my insomnia I lie in bed fighting it for hours and get up exhausted.
Maybe I’m going to turn into one of those people that exist on only a few hours’ sleep. They are usually really creative. On the other hand they usually always look as if they just stepped out of the ring after a few rounds with Mohammad Ali and Ali was intent on going for the head shot.
It was while I was standing looking out of the kitchen window for the zillionth time that I had a sort of epiphany. I realized I had just wasted five or six hours tossing and turning whispering to Pete that I just want to die, crying because no one loves me and tormenting myself for being a terrible mother who doesn’t deserve to sleep.
Rather than fighting wouldn’t just accepting it be more constructive and using that time to do something I enjoy like writing blogs or reading.
Now I’m just annoyed that I wasted that time tonight. I am totally going to put my restless nights to good use. Not tomorrow night though, I need some sleep!