Where and when did I lose the gift of having a good laugh? I’m not talking about the little titter you might force out when you feel you need to put up a good show. I mean a good old laugh that causes your eyes to tear up and leaves you feeling that all is right with the world.
Perhaps with all the paraphernalia one carries around with children there was no room for it anymore, maybe the bank manager locked it away in exchange for that massive mortgage.
Do all who take on the burden of responsibility experience this loss or am I taking life way too seriously?
I seem to be sporting a continual scowl triggered by the seemingly unbroken state of anger that I am in. Anger that: policing children is not the career I chose for myself, that no one but me seems capable of being courteous on the roads, that I get to the end of the day feeling I haven’t achieved all that I wanted, that I always seem to choose the slowest queue, that Botox is so expensive.
I know I can laugh, but usually only when I’m three sheets to the wind and among friends. When all the worries, weights and encumbrances of everyday life with two young children drop away and I’m left totally in the moment enjoying time with friends.
That’s it in a nutshell isn’t it? In writing this blog I have actually stumbled upon the answer to my question. I need to learn to focus more on this moment in time and not what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. The constant self-chatter that goes on in my head, comparing myself to others, worrying about things I cannot change, inventing scenarios that may never happen; it’s this chatter that prevents me from loosening up and laughing.
I know now why I enjoy writing so much. While I am writing there is nothing else, hours can go by and I am fully focused on the words in front of me. When I have finished a blog I feel oddly rested and at peace.
It’s not as if this is some amazing new insight, this same idea of being ‘present’ is repeated often in various sources. Meditation is a great way to practice the philosophy, there are many philosophers, famous Buddhists, monks etc. who write about the subject: Eckhart Tolle, the Dali Lama to name only two.
It’s comforting to know that there may be a way I can get back to feeling able to laugh but I somehow feel the road will be long and hard. I will give it a go though, and will let you know how I do. Who knows maybe this could be me.
Finally I would like to point you towards this video. I love Billy Conolly and he never fails to make me laugh.