Start by having a really bad sleep. You do that firstly, by not remembering that this time of year is bad for your sinus. If you don’t take your antihistamine you will wake sporadically during the night because the sounds you are emitting from your nasal cavities can only be likened to a wounded warthog on a rampage. Secondly, in one of those blissful moments where you have managed to drift off to sleep, have your nine year old come and stand by the bed quietly watching you until you sense a presence and dent the ceiling in fright. It’s OK, tonight you will get off lightly they only need a cuddle because they are not feeling well.
In the morning drag yourself out of bed to walk the dog, which will be difficult because your head feels like it’s been nailed to the pillow through your sinuses. Don’t worry a cup of tea will set you on your way only you’ve forgotten to get the tea you like so you will have to make do with something far less enjoyable.
While out walking make sure that you are looking up at a house just as you put your foot in the only pothole in the street, heavily falling to the ground. Lurch home with a badly sprained ankle and grazed hands and knees.
Now hobble around the house and get your kids to bicker and carry on while completely ignoring the fact that you look like you might be in a bit of pain. In fact get one of them to play their recorder out of tune instead of getting ready to leave for school. At this point you will experience a small rise in blood pressure, hang on in there though as it is about to get worse.
The pain is now slightly clouding your judgement but plough on in there anyway. Take that recorder off the troublesome, would-be musician and put it away knowing full well they need it for school that day. Your second child now needs to come to the defence of the first and that’s when your blood pressure increases to the point that all perspective.
Raise your voice and threaten both children with various consequences that you know they won’t like and you’re probably not going to carry through on. Make sure that you are all yelling at each other and everybody is suitably upset then leave for school.
Spend the rest of the day thinking up ghastly ways to make your children pay for their seeming betrayal and generally feeling sorry for yourself.
That was my day yesterday. Today I just feel guilt. You know that feeling, as a mother it is the one constant emotion. It wheedles its way in and takes hold like some pervasive disease. Guilt for yelling, for being late, for being lazy, for being too fussy, for not having time, for not doing everything possible, for giving them the same boring lunch every day, for letting them eat rubbish, for not letting them eat rubbish and on it goes ad infinitum.
I refuse to let that guilt take hold, all I can do is strive to do a little better. None of us are perfect and neither are our kids. I have always told my kids that this is my first time as a parent and so I am always learning and will make many mistakes along the way.
I am now going to spend some time doing some major pedicure work on that foot.