Chaos and Madness

Chaos and Madness

And just like that our whole world was turned upside down.

Home has been chaotic.  Chaos is normal in our house. Not a chaos where there is total disorder, more of a madness that seems to run along at its own speed gathering momentum until your head is spinning and you’re feeling as though you could totally outdo Linda Blair from The Exorcist.

We have been planning a trip to New Zealand to celebrate my 50th, in style, among old friends and family. I organised for my sister and her partner Ali to come over and look after the girls while we were away.  A big thing for us, as time away from the girls for more than one night at a time has only been something we could do separately.

One week out from my sister arriving we were fairly organised: the house had been scrubbed from top to bottom, my hair streaked and coloured within inch of its life, toenails painted, outfits chosen.  All that remained was to choose a couple of pot plants to put into a new white planter I had bought for the living room.  Off we all headed to Bunnings.

We arrived at Bunnings and as usual the girls trooped off to the indoor playground while Pete and I cruised around the aisles of the plants.  We had just picked out some plants when we looked up to see Molly bringing Lulu over holding her arm and crying. One look told us that the arm was broken.

Pete picked her up cradling the arm and we raced straight out to the car and into emergency where they immediately took her in.

Telling this story now is a challenge.  The gut wrenching nausea that comes from having your heart ripped out of your chest, torn to pieces and then shoved back in all bleeding and broken is still there.

That ride into the emergency room was the longest I have ever taken.  Lulu wasn’t screaming but the pain was unbearable for her.  She kept repeating “I just want to die, I just want to die.”  This from an eight year old is hard for a mother to bear.

The x-rays confirmed the arm was broken, but more than that it was smashed.  It was hard to look at the images without breaking down.

By one o’clock the next morning Lulu and I were settling into our room after her two and a half hour surgery to put back the pieces of her arm.  She was in good spirits but she hadn’t had time to contemplate just how this would change her life in the near future.  I on the other hand could think of nothing else.

I wasn’t ready for just how it would affect my little brave girl.  For the first few nights she was very depressed. Asking why this had to happen to her and wishing she were dead.  On the third day she began to perk up things became easier.

Several days later we decided that the trip could go ahead as long as Lulu was able to get her full cast on before we left.

The day of the appointment arrived.  I wasn’t feeling great.  There was an annoying grey aura that seemed to be pressing down on me. I couldn’t breathe, think or do anything more than function.

In the interests of not letting this into the latest version of War and Peace I am going to leave the story there and finish it in a later post.

1 Comment

  1. rachel your cousin 4 years ago

    I do hope the wee wounded warrior is on the mend, what a brave wee girl. Apologies for missing your birthday would love to hear all about it.

    rachel XX

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